Our Bodies Are Not the Problem—Your Mindset Is

There’s something we need to address, and it’s long overdue. I’m talking about rape culture—yes, I’m using those exact words, even if they make you uncomfortable. It’s time we stop avoiding the truth because the only way to combat this issue is by naming it for what it is. Rape culture is the toxic belief system that normalizes, excuses, and even justifies violence against women, often blaming us for the crimes committed against us. A perfect example of this is the absurd and dangerous idea that a woman can "earn" violence based on how she dresses.

A recent study by Nytkis revealed a truly alarming statistic: one in four men under 35 in Finland believes that a woman can deserve violence. Let that sink in. One in four. This isn't just a minor problem or an outdated idea—it's part of a much larger and deeply embedded societal issue. It’s called rape culture, and it affects every single one of us.

Why We Can’t Be Afraid to Name It

Let me be honest: I get it. Talking about rape culture is hard. Using those words can feel heavy, confrontational, and even frightening. But if we don't name the problem, we can’t solve it. We can’t keep sugarcoating the reality of what's happening or pretending that this is just an issue of "harassment" or "unwanted attention." It’s so much bigger than that. It's about systemic violence, victim-blaming, and control over women's bodies, and it’s time we call it what it is.

Yes, it's uncomfortable to talk about rape culture. It forces us to confront ugly truths about our society, about the ways we’ve all been complicit, and about how deeply ingrained these toxic attitudes are. But avoiding the term doesn’t make the problem go away. It only makes it easier for those who perpetuate it to continue unchecked.

The Blame Game: Women’s Clothing ≠ Consent

At the heart of rape culture is the notion that women are responsible for how men perceive and react to them. Whether it’s the length of our skirt, the top we choose, or how we move through the world, somehow, it’s always on us to prevent violence. This belief system perpetuates the disgusting idea that if a woman is harassed, assaulted, or violated, it’s because of something she did.

Let me be clear: this is bullshit.

Our bodies are not inherently sexual. Our clothing is not a signal that we’re "asking for it." Sexualization happens in the mind of the viewer, not in the way we dress or behave. It’s time to stop putting the blame on women and start holding men accountable for their actions. If you can't control your urges, that’s your problem—not ours.

Rape Culture: The Root of the Issue

When men believe that violence against women can be justified by something as superficial as what we're wearing, that’s rape culture in action. It’s a mentality that perpetuates victim-blaming and excuses perpetrators while silencing and shaming the victims. This isn’t just about individual bad actors—it’s a systemic problem that runs deep in our society.

Rape culture manifests in many ways:

• "Boys will be boys" as an excuse for inappropriate behavior
• Questioning victims about their clothing, alcohol consumption, or whereabouts instead of holding the aggressor accountable
• Media that sexualizes women’s bodies while simultaneously shaming us for embracing our own sexuality
• And yes, the belief that women can "earn" violence by how they dress

This harmful mindset teaches men that it’s women’s responsibility to manage their reactions, instead of teaching men to control their own actions and desires. It feeds into a culture where women are constantly policed—where we are expected to walk a tightrope of being attractive but not "too" attractive, confident but not "too" confident, strong but not "too" strong.

We’re Tired of Living in Fear

We’re tired of being told that our safety depends on how we dress or where we go. It’s exhausting to constantly be on high alert, trying to avoid harassment or worse. We’re told to take self-defense classes, to avoid walking alone at night, to watch our drinks, to never dress "provocatively." But when will we start teaching men to respect women’s autonomy, bodies, and choices?

It is not our job to live in fear so that men can feel comfortable. Men, it’s time to control yourselves. Stop sexualizing us based on your narrow, outdated views. Our bodies are not a problem for you to solve. Your inability to see us as more than objects is the problem, and it’s one you need to fix—starting now.

Rape Culture Must End Now

If you’re someone who believes that a woman can "ask" for violence or harassment based on her appearance, you are part of the problem. This belief is not just wrong; it is dangerous. It feeds into a system that excuses violence, blames victims, and keeps women living in fear.

It’s time to stop making excuses. No one "asks" to be harassed or assaulted. No one "earns" violence. And no piece of clothing ever gives anyone the right to violate another person’s body. Rape culture ends when we stop blaming women for the actions of men and start holding men accountable for their behavior.

It’s Time for Accountability

Men, it’s time to take responsibility for your own actions. It’s not enough to just not be part of the problem—you need to be part of the solution. That means calling out rape culture when you see it. It means challenging your friends when they make sexist jokes or inappropriate comments. It means understanding that a woman’s body is not a public domain to be judged, ogled, or violated.

And for the women reading this: you are not to blame for the violence inflicted on you. Your worth is not determined by what you wear, how you look, or what someone else thinks of you. Your body is your own, and no one has the right to take that from you.

We can’t be afraid to call out rape culture for what it is, because only by naming the problem can we start to dismantle it. We need to talk about it, confront it, and fight it—openly and unapologetically.

Because enough is enough. We shouldn’t have to be afraid anymore.

Writer:
Emilia Joensalo
Founder of HerEmpowr